1 00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:03,769 [blows] 2 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:07,673 [sniffing] 3 00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:11,543 Aah! Nothing like the smell of a new car. 4 00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,380 [honking] 5 00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:20,652 - Yeah. - What...is that? 6 00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:22,154 My new wheels. 7 00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:25,457 This will really impress the chicks. 8 00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:28,060 - Are you impressed? - No. 9 00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:31,397 I was talking to the chick. Not the mother hen. 10 00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:35,167 What is that thing? 11 00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,002 It's not a thing. 12 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:39,905 It's an ALF Romeo. 13 00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,640 How did you make it? 14 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,842 Well, out of a bunch of useless junk. 15 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:46,245 I got the brakes from your bicycle. 16 00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:48,347 The engine from Willie's lawn mower 17 00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:52,184 And the seat cover from Kate's wedding dress. 18 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:53,519 ALF! 19 00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:55,587 Where you planning to wear it again? 20 00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:59,892 Get that car out of the living room. 21 00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,661 Fine. Clear the cross walk. 22 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,631 [engine revving] 23 00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,934 [crashing] 24 00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:15,841 Great! Now I have to build a tow truck. 25 00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,579 [theme music] 26 00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:51,977 [music continues] 27 00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:22,608 [doorbell ringing] 28 00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:23,876 [sighs] 29 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:29,114 Oh, hi, Pete. 30 00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:30,315 Hi, Willie. 31 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,818 Another package for ALF Tanner. 32 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,319 Huh. 33 00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:37,289 - How much? - 29.95. 34 00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:38,824 You got off easy this time. 35 00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,792 Here you go. 36 00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,794 - I'll see ya. - Yeah. 37 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,863 - Probably this afternoon. - Mm. 38 00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:47,966 [door shuts] 39 00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,969 Oh, ALF? 40 00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:52,137 I have a package 41 00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:54,806 and a lecture for you. 42 00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:58,844 How come those things always come in pairs? 43 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,879 Oh, boy! It came! 44 00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:04,816 Here, here, here. 45 00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:07,486 Oh, ALF. What is it this time? 46 00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:08,720 Beats me. 47 00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:12,691 You're getting Styrofoam all over the carpet. 48 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:13,725 Sorry. 49 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,564 [spits] Yuck! 50 00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,065 They're stale! 51 00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:22,534 Look.. 52 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,536 It's a ventriloquist's dummy. 53 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:28,307 Yeah! Yeah, I saw one of these little guys on TV. 54 00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:30,742 He was hilarious! 55 00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:37,149 Come on, dummy, speak to me. 56 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:43,989 Just my luck. He's a mute. 57 00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,365 (ALF) Come on, talk! 58 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:55,701 Talk! 59 00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:57,903 Don't make me get the rubber hose. 60 00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,840 He's broken, Willie! 61 00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:04,710 Looks like you blew 30 bucks. 62 00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:07,212 ALF, I'm not going to raise my voice. 63 00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:08,780 I'm not going to threaten you. 64 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:12,417 I'm just going to say, for the 928th time 65 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:16,588 please don't ever do this again. 66 00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:22,060 I'd better send Willie some flowers, Lynn. 67 00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,962 Bring me the phone. 68 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:25,631 No. 69 00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,132 You've got to stop spending 70 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,700 other people's money. 71 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:32,738 Why? People like it when you spend their money. 72 00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:35,274 On Melmac that's how you said 73 00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:36,642 "I care." 74 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:38,777 If you don't stop caring 75 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:41,880 you're gonna send dad to the poorhouse. 76 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:45,317 I noticed you haven't said very much. 77 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:47,586 ALF, you have to make him talk.. 78 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:48,820 ...like this. 79 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,924 Hi, ALF, pleased to meet you. 80 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,426 That's amazing! 81 00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:57,229 He sounds just like you! 82 00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:59,331 That was me. See, look. 83 00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:00,932 You just pull this little string 84 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,935 and he'll open his mouth and say whatever you want. 85 00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,271 We had a guy like that on Melmac. 86 00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:07,839 Our president. 87 00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,709 Here. You try it. That's it. 88 00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:14,613 Hi, Lynn! 89 00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,915 Pay no attention to the furry guy 90 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:20,018 with his hand up my back. 91 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,254 You're not supposed to move your lips. 92 00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:24,890 What lips? 93 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,760 You-you have to talk with your mouth closed. 94 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,531 Oh. Well, no problem. 95 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,633 [mumbling] Hi, Lynn! 96 00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:36,468 Pay no attention to the guy 97 00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:39,004 with his hand up my back. 98 00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:44,042 Kate, Kate. Can you hold off on the vacuuming? 99 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:47,512 We're in the middle of something here. 100 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:50,816 I'm not going to vacuum. You are! 101 00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:54,286 - Me? - Yes, you. 102 00:05:54,288 --> 00:05:55,654 And as my mother once said 103 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,523 "those who don't work, don't eat." 104 00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:01,660 Sweet lovable grandma said that? 105 00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,562 I'm surprised. 106 00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:10,736 You heard the lady. You better put that thing away. 107 00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:15,574 It's not a thing. It's my new pal. 108 00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,709 What do you think I should name him? 109 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,010 I don't know. 110 00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:20,379 Their names are usually goofy 111 00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:22,581 like Mortimer Snerd. 112 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,116 Knucklehead Smith. 113 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:27,886 I think I'll call him.. 114 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,187 ...Paul. 115 00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,655 Paul? 116 00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,524 That's not a goofy name. 117 00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:34,559 Oh, it is on Melmac. 118 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,695 One time I called a guy Paul 119 00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:39,865 I ended up with 14 stitches! 120 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,768 It's a good thing I didn't call him a son of a Paul. 121 00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,437 I'll remember that. 122 00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:47,906 Although I have no idea why. 123 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,608 Hey, look, this teaches you how to talk 124 00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,543 without moving your mouth. 125 00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:52,878 Repeat after me. 126 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,348 "A boy bought a baboon." 127 00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:58,250 - What boy? - I don't know. 128 00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:01,620 - Well, where did he buy it? - It doesn't matter. 129 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:04,189 - Can I have one? - It never happened. 130 00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:07,058 Then why are you spreading these rumors? 131 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:10,362 That's it! I'm doing my homework someplace else. 132 00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:12,631 Well, thanks for all your help! 133 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:16,568 Hey, ALF, want to play a computer game? 134 00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,036 Well, not right now. 135 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,605 Hey, how would you like to help me learn ventriloquism? 136 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:23,141 Sure. What do I do first? 137 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,610 First you plug in that vacuum cleaner 138 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:29,147 and suck up all those Styrofoam thingies. 139 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:30,248 No way! 140 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,318 I'm not as gullible as I used to be. 141 00:07:34,388 --> 00:07:37,322 Hey! Where is everybody going? 142 00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:39,991 Boy! 143 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:43,328 Doesn't anybody want to have any fun around here? 144 00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:45,597 I do. 145 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:47,833 [instrumental music] 146 00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,140 (ALF) 'Ta-da!' 147 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,776 Welcome to the Tanner dinner theater. 148 00:07:57,778 --> 00:08:01,947 Starring Gordon Shumway and Paul! 149 00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:03,915 Oh, ALF, what are you doing? We were just-- 150 00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:07,686 There will be no talking during tonight's performance. 151 00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:10,422 And now, our opening joke. 152 00:08:10,424 --> 00:08:12,190 Say hello, dummy! 153 00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:13,625 Hello, dummy! 154 00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,260 [laughs] 155 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,795 Oh, brother! 156 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:20,298 Oh-oh! The crowd looks tough. 157 00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,033 So does the roast beef. 158 00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:24,369 [laughs] 159 00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:28,507 Hey, Paul. It looks like they're glad to see you. 160 00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:30,775 Oh, that's 'cause with me on your hand 161 00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:33,178 you can't grab all the food! 162 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,646 [all laughing] 163 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,948 We kill us! 164 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,284 ALF, how did you get so good so fast? 165 00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:42,120 Well, I pick things up pretty quickly. 166 00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,823 Except for those Styrofoam thingies. 167 00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:47,425 You shoved them under the rug! 168 00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:51,963 Well, Sshh. Ow! He bit me. 169 00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,231 Oh, you're lucky I didn't tell 'em 170 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,000 that you broke Willie's brand new-- 171 00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:57,469 Uh, in closing, I'd like to leave you 172 00:08:57,471 --> 00:09:00,906 with something me dear departed grandfather said. 173 00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:03,108 [speaking in foreign language] 174 00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,510 Is that Melmacian? 175 00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:07,045 No, it's gibberish. 176 00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:09,381 The man was a babbling idiot. 177 00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:10,715 [laughing] 178 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:13,919 Ha! Ha! Hey, how about some applause? 179 00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:16,721 - Okay. - Pretty nice. Very nice! 180 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:20,725 So, only caused me 29.95. 181 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,427 On core, on core. 182 00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:25,196 No, no, no. Not now, ALF, the food's getting cold. 183 00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:27,933 But we haven't done our show stopper. 184 00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:32,404 ¶ Ebony and ivory ¶¶ 185 00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:33,438 [indistinct chatter] 186 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,345 Where's Geppetto? 187 00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:44,716 Last time I saw him, he and Paul were playing poker. 188 00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,451 You know, it was kind of strange. 189 00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:50,121 Paul was cheating and ALF didn't seem to notice. 190 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:53,792 Well.. 191 00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,961 ...at least they're not here, not now. 192 00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:59,197 I mean...if you know what I mean. 193 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:03,068 No, I-I don't know what you mean. 194 00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:05,971 Well.. I know what you mean. 195 00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,941 - Oh, baby! - 'Oh!' 196 00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:11,977 ALF. 197 00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,546 Did we spoil the moment? 198 00:10:14,548 --> 00:10:15,614 [sighs] 199 00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:19,150 ALF, stop hiding under the bed. 200 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:22,754 Hey, it's no picnic for me under there. 201 00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:23,989 Well, actually it was. 202 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:26,291 We ate a couple of dust bunnies. 203 00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,960 Why are you here? 204 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:32,597 Ask Paul. It was his idea. 205 00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:35,133 Okay. Why are you here? 206 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,836 Alright. I heard ya, I heard ya. 207 00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,771 It's showtime! 208 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:42,974 No, it's bedtime. 209 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:46,444 I'd like to start with my impression of ALF. 210 00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:47,579 Me? 211 00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:50,148 Yeah, you, fur-brain. 212 00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:52,083 Yo, Wilhelm. 213 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:55,020 You're going to have one less mouth to feed. 214 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:57,188 I ate your cat! 215 00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,325 Oh, ho. Very funny. 216 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,427 Goodnight. 217 00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:03,928 Goodnight. 218 00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,864 Impression number two. 219 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:08,500 Someone who ate Kate's cooking. 220 00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:11,336 [retching] 221 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,973 Paul, that is the second time 222 00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,842 you have insulted my cooking. 223 00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,545 I'm trying to reason with a block of wood. 224 00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,313 Block of wood? 225 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:23,882 Hey, Kate, easy. 226 00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,884 He's sensitive about his roots. 227 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,086 [Kate sighs] 228 00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:30,989 You know what this means? 229 00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:33,858 You're making a right turn? 230 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,026 Get out. 231 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,828 This is all your fault. 232 00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,163 Oh, don't blame me. 233 00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:39,197 They wouldn't know talent 234 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,099 if it threw up on their bed. 235 00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,469 This is getting really bizarre. 236 00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:47,739 Oh, baby! 237 00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,941 [instrumental music] 238 00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,590 (Paul) 'If you're looking for the roast beef' 239 00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:07,592 'I set it free.' 240 00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,101 Hi, ALF. 241 00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:19,370 I-I didn't know you were still awake. 242 00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,072 ALF's asleep. 243 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,374 You're talking to me. 244 00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:25,343 [laughs] 245 00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:31,950 [instrumental music] 246 00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,760 Can't you pack any faster? 247 00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:44,129 Not one-handed. 248 00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:46,231 Why do we have to run away? 249 00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:50,301 Because this place is a suburban Sing Sing. 250 00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:53,938 Hi, ALF. Whatcha doing? 251 00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,307 Uh, running away from home. 252 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:59,577 Oh, great. Tell the whole world! 253 00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,546 Why are you running away? 254 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:02,914 None of your business! 255 00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,550 [laughs] 256 00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:07,585 I'm gonna tell dad. 257 00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,654 Dad! 258 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:10,955 Hey, hey! 259 00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:13,992 What's the idea of lying to Brian like that? 260 00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:15,927 Ow! Don't hit me. 261 00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:17,695 Shut up and keep packing. 262 00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:22,934 Well, what if I don't wanna go? 263 00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:25,236 What if someone sees me? 264 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,972 I'll tell 'em you're my pet sloth.. 265 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:30,375 ...which isn't too far from the truth. 266 00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:34,846 I don't know why I stay friends with you. 267 00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:37,582 Because I'm your alter ego. 268 00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:38,783 You're my what? 269 00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:41,419 I tell you what to do. 270 00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,621 Now, grab that radio over there. 271 00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,323 We'll hock it. 272 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:48,092 I can't take that. It's Willie's! 273 00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:49,861 You're not taking anything. 274 00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:52,797 And I think it's time I took that dummy away from you. 275 00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:54,199 No! No! 276 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,569 Yeah. Back off or you'll be sucking splinters. 277 00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:01,673 ALF.. 278 00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:04,142 ...uh, Paul is only a toy. 279 00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:07,645 How about if we replace him with a Papa Smurf? 280 00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:11,349 Why don't we replace the two of you with Ozzie and Harriet? 281 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,418 At least Harriet could cook. 282 00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:17,856 That's it, mister. You are kindling. 283 00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:20,825 No, no! Don't take Paul away from me. 284 00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,126 He'll die! 285 00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:26,664 ALF, w-why don't you and Paul just go in the house? 286 00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:29,300 Uh, we're not gonna bother you anymore. I promise. 287 00:14:30,804 --> 00:14:34,205 See how nice they are? Thank you. 288 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,640 That's very kind of-- 289 00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:36,841 Come on! Come on! 290 00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,710 I'll teach you how to smoke. 291 00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:41,880 - But I don't wanna smoke. - It's good for ya. 292 00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:43,581 - Really? - Oh, yeah. 293 00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,684 Willie, what.. 294 00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:48,353 What did you do that for? 295 00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:51,823 Don't worry. I'm getting psychiatric help. 296 00:14:51,825 --> 00:14:54,559 Well, good for you, honey. But what about ALF? 297 00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,329 That's what I meant. 298 00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,865 - Oh. - I'm calling Larry. 299 00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:02,533 He helped ALF last year. 300 00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:05,203 He didn't even send us a bill. 301 00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,272 You get what you pay for. 302 00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:19,117 Hey! Give me some more nuts. 303 00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,720 But I don't want any more nuts. 304 00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,355 (Paul) 'I do!' 305 00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:29,761 [siren wailing on TV] 306 00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:31,462 [banging] 307 00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:34,832 That is really annoying. 308 00:15:35,869 --> 00:15:36,868 Good. 309 00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:46,444 ALF, your dummy is making me very uncomfortable. 310 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:49,147 Well, at least you don't have to sleep with him. 311 00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:57,622 He's giving me the creeps! 312 00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:00,091 [laughs] 313 00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,826 Goodbye. 314 00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:07,498 I think she likes me. 315 00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:14,539 [banging] 316 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,109 [window creaking] 317 00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:20,912 Talk about a puppet dictator. 318 00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:22,280 You know, you don't often hear 319 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,949 about the dangers of ventriloquism. 320 00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,317 [knock on door] 321 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,186 Larry, come on. Come on in. 322 00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,287 Hi, Willie, how are you? Nice seeing you. 323 00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:30,955 - Oh, Lar. - Hello, Kate. 324 00:16:30,957 --> 00:16:31,990 How are you, love? 325 00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,458 We appreciate your coming over. 326 00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:34,792 Well, I had to come over to see if this dummy 327 00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:37,261 is really as bad as you say he is. 328 00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:39,297 Actually, he's worse. 329 00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,465 - Oh! - Where's the patient? 330 00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:42,367 Oh, he's in the living room watching TV. 331 00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:44,736 - Oh? - And eating peanuts. 332 00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:49,207 [banging] 333 00:16:50,944 --> 00:16:51,976 Hey, ALF. 334 00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:53,344 - ALF.. - Larry! 335 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:55,546 Nice seeing you again. How are ya? 336 00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:56,881 Hey-hey! 337 00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:59,650 Oh, great! Look who walked in! 338 00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,285 You've got a fat lot of nerve 339 00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:04,555 showing your face around here. 340 00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:05,957 Who's he? 341 00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:08,326 Uh, Paul, this is Larry. 342 00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:10,128 He is a shrink. 343 00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,030 Yeah? Well, tell him to beat it. 344 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:14,132 I'm small enough as it is. 345 00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:16,501 [laughs] 346 00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:17,902 Uh.. 347 00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:21,239 So, uh...what's new? 348 00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:23,341 Well, certainly not your suit. 349 00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:24,709 When they made that 350 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,644 there was only one Brooks brother. 351 00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:29,047 [laughs] 352 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:31,182 Hey, you're a pretty funny guy. 353 00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:34,185 Just wait. You'll be mad at me soon enough. 354 00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,587 Oh, now, why would I do that? 355 00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:39,590 Because you're an egg sucking bone head. 356 00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:42,493 Egg sucking.. 357 00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:44,529 [scoffs] You're really a riot. 358 00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:45,897 I'm surprised you don't get along 359 00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,498 with the Tanners. 360 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:51,035 Well, it's not my fault. I like the Tanners. 361 00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:53,204 Speak for yourself. 362 00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:55,039 What's wrong with the Tanners? 363 00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:57,008 Too many stupid rules! 364 00:17:57,010 --> 00:18:00,278 Don't eat the cat. Don't break the dishes. 365 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,946 Don't eat the cat. 366 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,048 ALF.. 367 00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:05,750 ...do you object to these rules? 368 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:10,288 Yeah, especially rules number one and three. 369 00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,758 I think I'm beginning to understand. 370 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:17,261 Oh, wait. You haven't heard all the rules. 371 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,597 Don't throw food on the floor. 372 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,933 Don't eat food off the floor. 373 00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:24,402 Don't bonk the guests. 374 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,104 I never heard that one. 375 00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,271 Great! 376 00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,573 Bonk! 377 00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,908 [groans] 378 00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,510 Still friends? 379 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,414 Funny. Funny guy. 380 00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:38,483 Ah, geez. 381 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:41,319 Oh. 382 00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:44,255 (Paul) 'More nuts.' 383 00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,756 [banging] 384 00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,258 [sighs] 385 00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,494 Lar, did you find out what's wrong with ALF? 386 00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:52,597 Yeah. His dummy's a jerk. 387 00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:54,432 I'm glad we asked for a professional opinion. 388 00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:56,501 Hey, he bonked me! 389 00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:59,504 Should have a rule against that. 390 00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,506 Why, I think we do. Don't-don't we have a rule-- 391 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,609 Guys, please! Lar, what's wrong with ALF? 392 00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:05,977 Well, I do have a theory. 393 00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:08,579 I mean, uh, ever since ALF came to live here 394 00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:11,082 he had to be on his best behavior, right? 395 00:19:11,084 --> 00:19:14,452 - That's been his best behavior? - I'd hate to see his bad side. 396 00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:16,454 - Ah. - Well, you just did. 397 00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:17,989 It's Paul. 398 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,758 He's using the dummy to blow off steam. 399 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,793 But what do we do about it? 400 00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:25,296 Well, you could get the dummy a dummy. 401 00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,298 But then you would be stuck with a really little guy 402 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,367 with a really bad temper. 403 00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:32,203 There-there must be another way. 404 00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:34,472 Tsk. Well, I have an idea. 405 00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:36,107 It may be a bit drastic. 406 00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:37,308 But I think we should go for it. 407 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,676 What is it? 408 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,711 Well, everybody has to break some rules now and then. 409 00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,180 I mean, and ALF's no different. 410 00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:44,482 I think you, uh.. 411 00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:46,717 I think you should let him eat the cat. 412 00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,987 - W-what? - No! 413 00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,722 I mean, you know, we could let him break some dishes. 414 00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:54,192 I mean, anything to get-get the old ALF back. 415 00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,294 Couldn't we just let him throw popcorn on the floor? 416 00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,496 We'll do that, too. Uh, what about you, Willie? 417 00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:00,498 Do you have any ideas? 418 00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,967 No, none. Not a one. 419 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,336 Okay. Here we go. 420 00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:06,771 Ha. 421 00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:11,209 Look who's here! 422 00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:13,978 The three stooges. 423 00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,980 Couldn't we just solve this with a buzz saw? 424 00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:19,317 No, no, no. Just do what I do, okay? 425 00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:20,351 And one for you. 426 00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:21,652 Hey. 427 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,655 [plate shattering] 428 00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,924 - What was that? - It's our good China. 429 00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:28,326 [plate shattering] 430 00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:30,528 Yeah, we're breaking it. 431 00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,196 [plate shattering] 432 00:20:32,198 --> 00:20:33,364 I was right. 433 00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:36,033 They are the three stooges. 434 00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:37,868 Hey, come on, ALF. Have some fun. Grab. 435 00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:40,605 No, don't do it! It's a trap! 436 00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,673 No, it's not. Here. 437 00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:44,842 - Throw some popcorn around. - Yeah. 438 00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:47,612 To-toss it anywhere you want, ALF. 439 00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:51,115 This is too good to be true. I've got to go for this one. 440 00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:02,893 Hey, hey, hey! I'm on a roll! Bring me some dishes! 441 00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:04,762 You'll be sorry! 442 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:08,766 Don't listen to him. Here. Give it a heave. 443 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:12,136 How many points for hitting that picture of Kate's mother? 444 00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:14,138 A hundred. 445 00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:15,539 Willie! 446 00:21:18,077 --> 00:21:20,544 [shattering] 447 00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:24,548 More plates! That picture taunts me still. 448 00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:25,650 We're out of plates! 449 00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:27,418 Break something else, ALF. 450 00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:28,753 But like what? 451 00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:31,989 How about something small, wooden and obnoxious? 452 00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:34,659 Leave Kate's meat loaf out of this. 453 00:21:37,096 --> 00:21:39,297 He was talking about you. 454 00:21:39,299 --> 00:21:43,000 And he's right! You are obnoxious. 455 00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:46,771 Yeah? Well, you're a mama's alien. 456 00:21:46,773 --> 00:21:49,840 Paul, you said you were my friend. 457 00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:52,109 I lied! 458 00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:53,911 Think about it, ALF. 459 00:21:53,913 --> 00:21:56,180 Do you really need a friend like Paul? 460 00:21:57,450 --> 00:21:59,950 He's right. I don't need you. 461 00:21:59,952 --> 00:22:01,986 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah! 462 00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:03,487 - Yeah? - Yeah! 463 00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:05,423 Say goodbye, dummy. 464 00:22:05,425 --> 00:22:08,125 Goodbye, dummy. 465 00:22:08,127 --> 00:22:09,794 [thud] 466 00:22:09,796 --> 00:22:11,128 Ooh! 467 00:22:11,130 --> 00:22:13,864 You shouldn't have bonked the guest. 468 00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:17,835 How are you feeling, ALF? 469 00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:21,272 Great! I'm on a house-wrecking high! 470 00:22:22,208 --> 00:22:23,374 He means how-how do you feel 471 00:22:23,376 --> 00:22:25,876 about...Paul? 472 00:22:26,612 --> 00:22:28,679 Oh. Well.. 473 00:22:28,681 --> 00:22:30,815 I guess I'll miss him. 474 00:22:30,817 --> 00:22:33,250 But I'll get over it. 475 00:22:34,020 --> 00:22:35,052 I'm over it. 476 00:22:35,054 --> 00:22:36,087 [Kate sighs] 477 00:22:37,190 --> 00:22:39,156 You're gonna be alright. 478 00:22:39,158 --> 00:22:41,058 And to prove it I'm gonna send you a bill. 479 00:22:41,060 --> 00:22:43,060 [laughs] 480 00:22:43,062 --> 00:22:46,197 ALF, you, you really feel okay about this? 481 00:22:46,199 --> 00:22:48,165 Yeah, yeah. 482 00:22:48,167 --> 00:22:49,200 I've lost a friend 483 00:22:49,202 --> 00:22:52,636 but I've regained my left hand. 484 00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:56,207 We're so happy to hear it. 485 00:22:57,143 --> 00:22:59,243 Now, if memory serves.. 486 00:22:59,245 --> 00:23:02,313 ...we were chucking plates at grandma. 487 00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:07,685 [instrumental music] 488 00:23:07,687 --> 00:23:08,686 Morning, ALF. 489 00:23:08,688 --> 00:23:11,355 Hi, Lynn. 490 00:23:11,357 --> 00:23:12,590 (Paul) Hi, Lynn. 491 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,361 Don't do that. 492 00:23:17,363 --> 00:23:19,864 Boy! Nobody likes that joke. 493 00:23:19,866 --> 00:23:22,366 Willie and Kate almost fell out of bed. 494 00:23:22,368 --> 00:23:24,902 Brian threw a Gobot at me. 495 00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:27,872 Well, we're all just glad Paul's gone. 496 00:23:27,874 --> 00:23:30,608 - He is gone, isn't he? - Yeah. 497 00:23:30,610 --> 00:23:32,042 In fact, last night 498 00:23:32,044 --> 00:23:35,079 I gave him a traditional Melmacian funeral. 499 00:23:35,081 --> 00:23:37,548 I laid him to rest in the same way 500 00:23:37,550 --> 00:23:40,117 I hope to be someday. 501 00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:41,118 Where is he? 502 00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:43,754 In the freezer, next to the fish sticks. 503 00:23:50,263 --> 00:23:51,295 [instrumental music] 504 00:23:53,132 --> 00:23:55,132 [theme music] 505 00:24:20,593 --> 00:24:23,828 [ALF laughing]